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IGNITED BY TRUTH (CHAPTER 9)
AN AUTOBIOGRAPHY BY KAYLEE TUCKER
(with Karen Burkett)

Kaylee speaks from the heart as she tells of the pain of sexual abuse, domestic violence and depression and how she found joy, hope, peace and forgiveness through the darkness.

Table of Contents

Section I: Beginnings
Chapter One - First Memories (reflections)
Chapter Two - The Comfort of Love (reflections)
Chapter Three - A Summer of Family Love (reflections)

Section II: The Unraveling
Chapter Four - A Living Nightmare (reflections)
Chapter Five - Traumatic Teen Years (reflections)

Section III: A Gradual Awakening
Chapter Six - God's Unending Love (reflections)
Chapter Seven - Drawing the Line (reflections)
Chapter Eight - More Changes (reflections)
Chapter Nine - The Welfare Walk (reflections)
Chapter Ten - Dreams Really Can Come True (reflections)
Chapter Eleven - Forgetting What Lies Behind (reflections)
Chapter Twelve - Jesus-the Only Way (reflections)

Collection of reflections from all chapters red line

CHAPTER 9: THE WELFARE WALK

"These have come so that your faith-of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire-may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, for you are receiving the goal of your faith, the salvation of your souls" (1 Peter 1:7-9 NIV).

"Walk this way, please."

When you are on welfare, you must do it the government's way, no bending the rules. There is so much red tape involved in getting welfare. Once you do, you can't express your ideas for improving your lifestyle. Once you begin to make any money or want to change the way you live, you no longer fit into the welfare slot.

"Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding" (Proverbs 3:5 KJV).

Welfare is not God's plan for you; if it were, our trust would be in the United States government instead of God.

I was on and off welfare for over seven years. When my first husband and I seemed to be headed for more separation or even divorce, I realized I had no education and two very young children to raise. Jordon was sick and back into drugs, and I went on welfare. I hated waiting for my check every month only to find that the two hundred and seventy five dollars was spent, and then some, before I even cashed the check. I walked, took a bus or borrowed someone's car to go to the grocery store. First, I purchased money orders for the rent and the phone; then I bought shampoo, toilet paper, soap and maybe a trip to the ice cream parlor for a treat. There was never enough money left over to pay the utilities. Some time after I went on welfare, Jordon left us and eventually filed for divorce.

There is a program available through welfare called "leap." If you qualify, they will pay the heat and electricity bill. This service is operating because of customers' donations when paying their bills.

In addition, I was allowed $100 in food stamps each month. Grocery shopping doubled as our entertainment for the month. I was pretty good at spending the food stamps on the right kind of food that would last all month. I would purchase ten pounds of hamburger meat, 70% lean, and divide it into smaller sections of one pound or a half-pound. I bought lots of hot dogs-we all hate them now. A monthly dinner of roast, steak or pork chops was our special treat. I enhanced our main diet of hamburger meat with pinto beans, potatoes, pasta or rice. I used flour, sugar, peanut butter and jelly for making bread, cookies and cakes. Milk mixed with powdered milk and canned evaporated milk made a great tasting milk. A little juice and some oatmeal and dry cereal rounded our nutritional needs for the month. With the food only lasting about three weeks, even with conservative shopping and creative cooking, life was a constant struggle for survival. I knew of many women who had enough food for only one to two weeks due to poor planning and unwise spending.

My next-door neighbor and I hit all the food banks nearly once a month. One was the 700 Club's Operation Blessing; another was called the Salt Shaker Ministry. There were as many as ten food banks in our zip code area. Another program called WIC (Women, Infants and Children) seemed to be the most efficiently operated government sponsored resource for food. This organization offered food staples such as fruit juice, peanut butter, soft cheese, canned fruit and vegetables, dry cereal, Cream of Wheat, dry mashed potatoes, dry beans and butter. We were rarely able to get fresh food from the food banks. I did purchase large bags of apples because they have a longer shelf and refrigerator life.

During this time, I learned to make birthday cakes for the kids and eventually started my own cake business, selling to the neighbors and their friends. Everyone loved my recipe! In later years, I was able to start my own bakery.

I kept our meals simple, but was sure to include all four food groups. I loved cooking and being creative. Stretching the food was actually a fun challenge for me. I can make the best beans and bread, and they would fill us up.

I do recall one time I was very upset because I did not have enough food to make a decent meal for the two kids and me. About an hour later, our neighbor came knocking on my kitchen window and invited us over to supper. Even though my neighbor was not a Christian, God must have spoken to her. I slid the kitchen window shut and began to cry tears of joy for the Lord's plan to provide a very large and delicious meal. I believe I was the happiest when I was so poor and had to lean on the promises of God. During times like this, I was literally trusting God for the next meal.

I never gave up

I continued seeking God's will for my life and although I wanted to give up living, I held on to the promises of the bible. When my faith started wavering, I got back into the Word and stayed close to people who could encourage me and love me through the tough times. It seemed as though a very small amount of faith would keep me going. I listed to Christian radio everyday. Charles Stanley's teachings were so encouraging to me at this time, and the word of God feed my soul. Each day brought a good word, a friendly phone call. Sometimes I made those calls, reaching out to encourage others. Other times, they called me. Reaching out to others when you are hurting is so important. I was making connections, sharing ideas, and using His wisdom in setting and reaching goals to get off welfare.

During those last few years with Jordon, I wanted to work, but had no skills-the best I could find was a minimum wage job. Earning minimum wage would put me over the limit, and I would lose the welfare checks. Additionally, I would have to give half of my paycheck to the daycare for my children and wouldn't have enough left to pay for rent and necessities. Taking a minimum wage job would yield me less money than welfare-and so I opted to stay on welfare.

There was a women's program in Denver called "Project WISE." Here is a quote from their web site: "Project WISE: AWomen's Initiative for Service and Empowerment" is a nonprofit organization that offers a unique combination of services to women to support personal change, along with community organizing and political advocacy with and on behalf of women. Its main focus is helping families on welfare - 98% of which are families headed by single women - move from dependency to self sufficiency. When on welfare, participants had to sign up for job placement or attend school. Welfare recipients who didn't sign up for this program lost their welfare benefits. This program would help participants find the best job suited to their current skills, update their current skills, help with resumes, free bus pass or tokens, and assist in finding a job through "Job Service." Because of this program, I was able to enroll at Barnes Business College, hoping that I could attend even though I had no money in my possession. This government service also paid for daycare for my children for up to one year-in fact, they extended that for the first three months of my first job.

When I first applied to attend Barnes, I was very honest with the counselor; this honesty helped me get more out of the program. The counselor, Lucinda, was a Christian. She asked me what high school I graduated from. I explained that due to severe depression at the time, I never graduated from high school. (Incidentally, I did get my G.E.D. some time later just before opening my bakery. I still wanted my high school diploma, so in 2001 I went back to high school and earned my diploma. My daughter, Stephanie, did not graduate high school so she studied and received her G.E.D. My son also graduated from high school. We were all three from the Class of 2001. What a family celebration!)

Breaking away from welfare

I learned to type and began working at temporary jobs. I reported my income each month, and the welfare was gradually taken away. This release from welfare was frightening-it was like an addiction or bondage. I felt I couldn't make it on my own, and I had to have this government money coming in every month to support my kids. Going to work and relying on just me was very scary.

I had the Lord to help me through the tough times, but most of the women I knew had no God-only booze and drugs-to get them through the day. How could any of these women expect to get off welfare if they were not thinking with a sober mind? They usually refused to think about the future because such thoughts depressed them. When they did think about the future, they ran from it by drinking or taking drugs to feel better for the moment.

The worst "catch 22" situation I can think of is a woman and her children depending on welfare to meet their needs. Jesus is the only answer. When we are willing to trust Him one step at a time, He will guide us, help us make wise choices, provide when provision seems impossible, love us and see us through.

If it weren't for my church family praying for me and encouraging me through the tough times, I don't think I could have come this far in life with a joyful heart about the past. They were wonderful through all of these hardships.

I was eventually able to work and phase out of the welfare program. God had used the government programs to help me through some difficult times, but all the while He was teaching me a better way.

REFLECTIONS (Chapter 9)

God taught me many things through these challenging times. I'd like to share some of those thoughts with you.

Accept welfare if you are in a situation in which there is no other way, but do so with the mindset that welfare is a temporary solution.

Learn creative ways to make the most of your food supplies, giving your family a variety of healthy meals.

View making your food and money stretch as a fun challenge, rather than hopeless drudgery.

Take good care of what you have. The run-down house I lived in had a leaking roof, but I kept the house clean and painted (when the paint was donated to me). I made good use of everything God gave me.
When it seems that there just isn't enough, regardless of all your creative stretching, trust God to make up the difference.

"But my God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus" (Philippians 4:19 KJV).

Take full advantage of training and job placement opportunities offered. Ask God to help you to make the right choices. And ask Him to help you discover your own special talents and gifts-with me, it was cake baking and decorating. Do all you can to develop and use those gifts.

After Barnes Business College, I had enough experience to teach typing and computer skills to low income families. I volunteered and had the faith that good would come from my time spent teaching.

"Trust in the LORD with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek his will in all you do, and he will direct your paths" (Proverbs 3:5-6).

Refuse to have a pity party. I once heard a preacher say, "Get off the pity potty and stop having a party for yourself; get involved in someone else's life. Don't be afraid to love-it always returns one-hundred fold." When you start feeling sorry for yourself, look around. Find someone you can encourage. Reach out to them in love and help them in any way you can.

I kept busy in the church. I believe that keeping busy and helping others kept my mind from wandering and saying "poor me." I was able to start a clothing bank that eventually became a full-time ministry of food, clothing, shelter and counseling in that church.

Another positive thing I did during this time was to create a family cookbook. Since I did not have a typewriter, every month when I got my welfare check I made out a money order to pay a typist $12 to type the recipes. Then I asked my sister Savannah to help me, and she did most of the work at no cost to me. The final product was not very professional, but it was fun to have favorite recipes from the whole family together in one book.

Don't let pride stop you from accepting blessings God provides to you through other people. The clothing bank got started because I would always say yes to a bag of free clothing. People, as if prompted by the Holy Spirit, would offer me bags of clothes. I would go through and take what I thought we needed; then I stored the rest in a back room of my house. I never bought clothes for my kids; God supplied in abundance. I had at least thirty bags of clothing in different sizes and colors. God met all my needs, even the little ones. One time I needed underwear, but was not about to give the pastor a prayer request for my underwear needs. No more than a week later, a lady I didn't even know brought me a bag of clothing. When I opened the bag, I found three pairs of new undies, a perfect fit! God knows our needs, and as we faithfully trust Him, He will supply.

No matter how busy you may be, make time with God your priority. Use this time of need to grow closer to Him. Study your Bible and spend time talking to Him. As you learn to put Him first, everything else will fall into place.

"So don't worry at all about having enough food and clothing. Why be like the heathen? For they take pride in all these things and are deeply concerned about them. But your heavenly Father already knows perfectly well that you need them, and he will give them to you if you give him first place in your life and live as he wants you to" (Matthew 6:31-33 TLB).

Never give up. Thank God for the provision He is giving you through the government at this time. Believe Him to help you work through this and move on to financial independence, always remembering that He is your provider. Your hope is in Jesus - and He has great plans for you.

"For I know the plans I have for you," says the LORD. "They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope" (Jeremiah 29:11).

Go to Chapter 10
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Feel free to email me with any questions / comments at changinglives74@yahoo.com.au
by addressing your email to Kaylee.

red line © Copyright 17 May 2005
Taken from the web site www.changinglivesonline.org
This story is copyright and can not be reproduced without the author's permission.

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