Tommy earned a six-figure salary but there was a void within which he could never fill. So death seemed to be the only way out for him. He painted a bull's eye on himself and called the police. As they were forced to try and take him down he came to see what the bible means when it says "The Lord is my shield".
Trying to fill the void
I was financially stable. I was a Corporate America working professional in the medical field at two New York Hospital centers. I had it all. At least I thought so at the time. All the bells and whistles that the secular world strives for and to top it off a caring relationship with Connie a wonderful loving and caring soul mate of mine. However deep down inside there was something missing in my life that I just could not fill no matter how or what I tried.
Robbing Connie of her joy and peace
Material possessions drugs alcohol switching relationships would not satisfy me for any length of time … nothing could make me feel complete. I did not understand that my life needed purpose. I thought life was just about having fun and about meeting my needs. Connie cared for me and she pleaded with me to stop my destructive behavior but I did not stop. I robbed her of her joy and peace. I loved Connie and she loved me. But I did not love myself enough to change.
Setting the final stage
The darkness in my soul seemed to grow and I watched it overpower me. This combined with alcohol and a bankrupt spirit caused me to turn away from the last positive thing in my life. I decided that death was the only answer for me. Death seemed to be the only way to escape the despair I was in and the pain I was causing those who loved me most. So I devised a plan … a plan that I thought was certain of achieving the result I wanted. I had examined it thoroughly. I planned the time to be 1 am when there would be very few people around and a location that would allow the police to shot without harming others. No one was to be hurt except for myself. The stage was set for my final exit.
Attempted suicide by a policeman's bullet
On that fateful night of September 16 2003 I painted a bullseye on my chest as a message that would inform my sister that this was planned suicide. I didn't notify anyone of what I was about to do. This was not a cry out for help. I was prepared to die. I phoned the police via 911 informing them "There was a crazy guy running around the complex with a gun." I was living in West Knoxville at the time and mapped out my plan in a field out in front of the apartment complex. When the police arrived I was gazing straight up at the sky. Transfixed on this one lone star in the cold dark sky I prayed upon that star with all my heart. I prayed that this ordeal would be over quickly and as painlessly as possible. I also prayed that Connie and my sister Kathy would forgive me for what I was about to do. I asked God for forgiveness. .
Police firing 28 bullets at me!
The police arrived with all the noise of bullhorns and shouting. The flashlights were pointed in my direction and the glaring light blinded me. It was feeling pretty surreal and my heart was pounding but there was no turning back now. I had an unloaded BB gun behind me tucked into my belt. I started walking toward the direction of the voices of the police officers. I knew the moment I drew the gun that they would shoot me. As I drew my gun six officers shot at me a combined 28 times but only one bullet hit me. It hit me in the chest with such force it knocked me off my feet … blood was everywhere. I knew this life was going to be over shortly.
The Lord was my shield
I always have had nothing but praise for the police department and I felt the same about the officers present that night. They were placed in a situation that gave them no other choice but to shoot me. People have asked "How could the police have missed me with the other 27 bullets?" I have heard explanations like poor shooting skills … luck … poor lighting … the pressure of the moment. But I know the Lord was standing in front of me that night protecting me … shielding me and forgiving me when I could not forgive myself. I have always been firmly convinced about this. God had a purpose for me but I just didn't realize it then. He had work for me to do and this incident would change my life forever. He truly is my shield.
Prison … a time of reflection … a time of freedom!
I was convicted and (rightfully so) for aggravated assault and reckless endangerment and I spent the next 16 months in a penal farm. This gave me much time to reflect on my life … my poor decision-making … the people I had hurt and my reason for living. The Lord touched me right there in my prison cell and my life has been transformed. I had been in the darkness … I was in bondage and a slave to my sin. But Jesus suffered and died on the cross for my sin paying the price required to buy back my freedom. I had been redeemed.
God gains the victory through my weakness
It took three months for my wound to heal but there are still bullet fragments in my shoulder and I get pain when they nudge a nerve junction. When this happens I ask God the question; "Why do I have this pain?" God gives me the same answer He gave Paul the Apostle when Paul asked God why he was given 'a thorn in the flesh' to torment him. God replied "My Grace is sufficient for thee." The pain I have brings victory to me as it reminds me that God can bring His victory through my weakness and that it is Christ's power that is the key not my strength. (See 2 Corinthians 12:7-10 at the end of my story.)
Humbling myself … surrendering my life to Him
God answered the prayer of a sinner when I was at my lowest point … when I finally humbled myself enough and was prepared to surrender my life to Him. This is when the changes in my spiritual life exploded. God became my focus and my self-seeking ended forever. Since then I have been challenged by His Spirit to help other people in need and by doing so I have been blessed over and over again. My life is filled with peace and joy. While in jail I tried to guide others spiritually with the tools that God bestowed upon me. Many called it "Jailhouse Christianity". I knew the truth and the truth set me free even behind bars in that 10 X 8' cell. I simply had to tell others the good news. While in jail I was blessed to meet my spiritual mentor and friend Bobby who has a visiting jail ministry and since then I have had a wonderful relationship with him and his family.
Becoming part of a family
I attend a wonderful church now (Redemption Church International) on Wednesdays and Sundays. I consider them family. I am diligent and responsible each church service for the issue of the MENTOS "Church Candy" as I lovingly call them. They get passed down the row during the service. (lol) They are Minty fresh! (lol) This started with my mentor Bobby. He would offer me a mint during service. Now it has become a sort of tradition. Everybody looks forward to the passing of the mints. It's nothing more than a small bonding gift I am providing and I find pure pleasure in it.
A rich life helping others
The Lord had placed it upon my heart to look into a faith-based Christian halfway house named the 'Peace At Last' ministry. From the moment I walked through the front door I knew one way or the other that I would be a servant with this ministry. Since graduating from the six-month program my life has been a wonderful spiritual journey being filled with a spirit of forgiveness and love. Working on staff with John and Vicki has helped me hone the gifts the Lord has blessed me with for use in His name. I have found my purpose and have been offered the opportunity to serve others as this ministry has so lovingly guided me.
Helping others where I can
Many good meaning people and institutions try to blame today's problematic behaviors on society … anger addiction family life environment etc. Seldom are the terms like accountability or spirituality involved. It's my own opinion that all these problems can be traced to an unfulfilled life without God's purpose or plans. Until this I realized and addressed very little will be resolved. I have completed the program of recovery and discovery here at 'Peace at Last'. Now I am blessed to be the Ministry House Administrator and Public Relations Specialist. I have the chance to follow God's lead. You can find me regularly down at the courthouse trying to spread the word within the court system and networking with other faith-based organizations. I have also been invited to share my life story on the 700 Club. I serve wherever I am needed and hopefully someone will hear my testimony to God's grace and love … glory goes to the Father. I pray they might turn from their own darkness to the Light of Christ. I have never been richer in my entire life. Materialism and diversions are no longer my focus. The Word of God (the bible) is my compass and I shall follow it forever until I can hear God say, "Good job my faithful servant … welcome home!"
As of today I have rekindled relationships with Connie and my sister. I have made life long friendships with my mentor and his family. I work in a loving Christian environment. I have joy I have purpose and I have peace at last. I pray you will find them also.
ENOUGH
I wish you enough sun to keep your attitude bright.
I wish you enough rain to appreciate the sun more.
I wish you enough happiness to keep your spirit alive.
I wish you enough pain so that the smallest joys in life appear bigger.
I wish you God's Grace.
I pray He becomes your shield …
May God spread his blessings upon you, your family and friends today and forever …
I can be contacted at tomredeemed@yahoo.com if you would like to place a prayer request with the ministry or just want to fellowship with a "Sinner saved by Grace" or learn about the ministry and its needs. (If for some reason you cannot get through to me, email Greg on changinglives74@yahoo.com.au and let him know.)
In His Love,
Thomas McGouey (Tommy)
DEAR GOD, I HAVE A PROBLEM ... ME
DEAR CHILD, I HAVE AN ANSWER ... ME!
P.S. I have the greatest little dog named "Hoagie". He is a Lab Basset hound mix and looks like a hoagie sandwich with legs!
"But you are a shield around me, O LORD; you bestow glory on me and lift up my head. To the LORD I cry aloud, and he answers me from his holy hill. (Selah) I lie down and sleep; I wake again, because the LORD sustains me. I will not fear the tens of thousands drawn up against me on every side" (Psalm 3:3-6).
"To keep me from becoming conceited because of these surpassingly great revelations, there was given me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong" (2 Corinthians 12:7-10).
