As children, we naturally want to have things our own way. We think of ourselves … we are selfish. Being selfish can lead to hate and envy, which if left unchecked, can have disastrous consequences. Shelly found there was only one solution to this problem ...
Pursing my own selfish interests
I used to be a priggish and narrow-minded girl who was brought up under a success oriented, utilitarian family education. I didn't know how to love and how to be happy even though I lived in a loving family, which never failed to fulfill my material needs. My mind was full of selfish desires to pursue self-benefits, self-improvement, and self-realization without considering the interests and feelings of others.
Battling my selfish nature
When I was admitted to university, I could no longer bear my old, selfish self and I finally crashed down. I not only lost the hope of life, but also began to deny the value of everything and everybody around me. I hated them and envied them, just because they were happier than me. I was at a loss knowing how to be friendly to people (which included myself!) Others around me seemed to be happy and the harder I tried to be like them the more entrenched my selfish nature became.
The depression nightmare
My first semester in the university was a nightmare. I was drowned in the psychological disease called depression. In order to cure my sickness, my mother took me to many psychologists but none could help.
God stepped in
It was when my parents were about to give up and lose all hope that God sent one of His precious children to my side. She was a psychological expert in our school who had already accepted Jesus as her savior. She came to my dorm to comfort me and told me something about the love of God of which I had little knowledge. I felt fairly relieved afterwards. Later that teacher sent one of her students to talk with me. The conversation with the student became the most memorial experience in my life.
God speaking through others
She explained that God can use everything and everybody around me to bring blessings to me and that I was to bring blessings to the people around me. Her touching words, like the eternal promise from God, declared I am living to love and not to hate. Her words lit up the hope of being saved out of my horrible mental suffering. At this time God was speaking through her into my heart. That student eventually became my prayer partner.
Repenting in tears
After that conversation, I was introduced into the psychological association in our school. Later, together with some other members of our association, I was invited to a pastor's home where we learnt about God. Some of us were able to accept these new ideas, but others rejected them strongly. However, God's purpose is certain to be fulfilled on earth, as it is in heaven, completely independent of anyone's wills. Several days after that meeting, we were invited to a meeting where I accepted the 'Good News' (or Gospel) that Jesus died for my sins. After I got home, I repented in tears to God for all my wrongdoings and the unacceptable thoughts in my mind before I knew God. Later I was baptized in water.
Free from my old selfish nature with its hate and envy
From then on I was completely set free from the old, sinful self. The thanks and glory goes to God! Now I was living a Christian life, reading the Bible, praying, worshipping God, and sharing with others my witness for the Holy Spirit. I was greatly changed inwardly by the Holy Spirit. The selfish, unloving and proud self has been changed step by step into faith-bent, loving, hope-filled self in union with the Holy Spirit.
Help if you wander in darkness
Thank you for reading my story of becoming a Christian. As you can see, God has performed miracles in my life. I sincerely hope that my story will help all who read it, and especially those who have depression or those who are still wandering in darkness, not knowing the truth about life and how to be happy. Come to know God and Jesus' promise will come true for you as it has for me. We were not meant to carry the load of this life alone.
"Come to me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you shall find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my load is light" (Matthew 11:28-30).
