Norm thought he could create his own reality … doubt, unbelief and stubborn pride were his constant companions … the horrors of Vietnam had hardened him … it was not to he stood on the edge of eternity did he cry out to God and God made himself known in a powerful way …
Not growing my relationship with God
Around 1955, at about age nine, I accepted Christ as my Savior, when a traveling evangelist came to the little logging community of Bates, Oregon where our family lived. (Bates (located near Austin) does not appear on more recent maps.) With a child's mentality, I'm sure I did it to hopefully make God happy with me, and so I wouldn't go to hell. This was a proper motive, but I sadly didn't follow and associate with dedicated Christians that could have helped me grow in my relationship with God.
Pursuing what I thought would make me happy
In my adolescent years, there was a lot of turbulence in my home-life. Because of this, I was attracted to whatever seemed to make me happy, rather than asking God to help me overcome my hurt and pain. Wherever alcohol was available, I sought after it. Drugs were not readily available like they are today, so thankfully I didn't get hooked as many of the youth of today are in attempt to find happiness. Sexual promiscuity was not as open and available as it is today or I may have followed that path.
How could a loving God allow the horrors of Vietnam to take place?
In 1967, after I had finished high school, I enlisted in the Army and I was promised Alaska as my assignment. Through a quirk of events, I was 'volunteered' to become a prisoner-of-war interrogator and I was sent to Vietnam. After experiencing first-hand the horrors and injustices of war, my belief in an 'all loving, all merciful, all compassionate God being in control of this planet' drastically began to alter. I saw all the pain the Vietnam conflict was bringing to the lives of so many people and I wasn't sure I wanted to put my trust in any supposed God who allowed such things to happen. (At that time, I did not believe that the devil has any ability to influence the affairs of mankind. In fact, I wasn't even convinced that the devil as mentioned in the bible existed.)
Looking for love and security
While in the militarily and before going to Vietnam, I met a special lady. I ended up marrying her instead of a special high school sweetheart that I had one day planned to marry. I was probably not suitable marriage material for any woman at the time, though I didn't realize it. I did not seek God in this matter. My desire was simply to have someone to love and someone to faithfully love me back.
Emotionally raped and angry
I left Vietnam emotionally raped. I had mixed emotions … I was thankful to be alive … I wanted to forget about Vietnam because of the anti-war critics statewide who didn't seem to care that Communists were attempting to take over the world ... I wondered who my enemy really was ... I also felt I had let down the South Vietnamese people who were the ones I had been sent to help liberate … part of me grew so angry at the American anti-war protestors that I became frightened at what I might do if I was caught with them in a confrontational situation … so I avoided confrontation as much as possible.
A heart as cold as steel
In an attempt to forget the nightmare of my wartime experience, I came back from Vietnam a hard-core alcoholic with a heart as cold as steel. My wife now had a husband who was very angry, bitter, and resentful … a husband who was emotionally unstable. But at the time I was in denial.
Unhappiness … adultery … followed by much more unhappiness
When conflict rose in our marriage, I tried to bury most of my feelings with alcohol rather than seeking professional advice to help work them out. Like many others have done, in weak moments I began to think that an intimate relationship with another woman might bring a little happiness to drown out the hollowness and pain inside me. Sad to say, adultery followed. But the 'happiness' was short-lived, because the guilt ate at me constantly. To bury my guilt, I drank more alcohol and smoked more cigarettes. I sought out whatever means was at my disposal to dull the ache in my soul. I now realize only God was capable of mending my soul and filling me through Christ.
Deception running deep inside me
Through these trying years, I still wondered if there really was a God. Part of me already believed there was a God; but another part of me still would not believe until I could somehow 'prove' God existed. I was an ardent student of 'mind over matter', experimenting with hypnotism at an early age, experiencing unusual manifestations. I had read a number of so called 'positive thinking' books. The devil used these books to convince me that if I thought hard enough I could create your own reality. This story goes something like 'God may become real to you … but that doesn't mean He really exists!' I was not aware of this deception running deep with inside me … a deception fueled by my angry pride, which ultimately leads anyone to believe they can their life independent of God. I was addicted to the most lethal kind of drugs known to fallen mankind … the spiritual drugs of doubt and unbelief. During this time of my life I can see I was essentially tied to a gurney, with needles in every vein of my body, taking in these two powerful drugs seven days a week, 24 hours a day. Fear is ultimately a drug that often accompanies the drugs of doubt and unbelief but I was so filled with angry pride, I thought I feared nothing … but I was deceived here as well as you will see as you read further.
Questions … questions … questions!
I was quick to find fault with Christians and organized religion. Like many others, I felt all churches wanted to do was control you and con you out of your money. I thought that a belief in the devil or demons was just something early Christians had come up with to try to put fear into people to get them to believe the things they wanted them to believe. The classic overflow of my doubt and unbelief addicted mind was that a person was stupid to believe that they could trust the bible. I believed that man screws everything up and you therefore could not trust the modern translations of the bible. Questions clouded my mind. Why would God allow so many different translations of the bible to be printed anyway? Why would He allow so many different religions and so many different denominations within a religion? Why couldn't it just be kept simple in black and white? It just made no sense to me whatsoever, thus I came to the conclusion that there was no sense to be made of it … period!
Some people whose lives I couldn't ignore
Fortunately there were people God used along life's way to influence me positively about God. An older sister and her husband were two of those people. Flora and her husband, Jerry had become 'born again' and their enthusiasm and devotion with their relationship with Jesus Christ captured my attention. There was also my youngest brother, Dale who as far as I was concerned, was the black sheep of the family. Dale had a powerful 'born again' experience in his twenties. It was seeing the incredible change in his life for the better that began to make me take a more serious look at my comprehension of 'personal relationship with Jesus Christ' Christianity. Dale would tell me to 'forget about my hang-ups about Christianity and organized religion, just fall in love with Jesus Christ and the rest of it would all fall into place in due time.' But I didn't know who Jesus Christ was as I believed that bible cannot be trusted. I believed the lie that that Jesus was only a 'good man' who did some incredible things and no more.
A walking time bomb
Alcoholism and stress continued to take its ugly toll, as well as the other affects of sin in my life. At mid-life, I was told unexpectedly by a nurse that my heart was like a walking time bomb, ready to explode. My heart was ready to quit any minute due to extreme high blood pressure. I was sleeping very little, smoking three packs of cigarettes a day, and drinking close to three-quarters of a fifth of hard liquor a day most of the time, not to mention various amounts of beer and wine. When I was told that I had to quit smoking and drinking or else suffer a heart attack, part of me didn't care if I died. In my mind, it was a way out of my pain and misery. After all, it would be death through "natural causes." Who would ever know the real reason?
They had something I wanted
Yet another part of me wanted what my sister, Flora, and her husband Jerry and my younger brother Dale and His wife Karil had found, which was a peace with whom they believed to be the Creator of the universe -- no substitutes. They weren't propagating a religion, a denomination, or a teacher. What they were propagating was a relationship with the triune God: God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit. I liked the results of their faith. They had joy in their life that I didn't have. They had purpose for living that I didn't have. Their lives had become centered on helping others, instead of being self-consumed with pain and confusion like mine was.
All I wanted was a purpose for living
So near age 35 (around 1980), I was a wreck. I was facing death by essentially my own choosing, and I wasn't convinced in my heart that I would go to heaven (if there was such a place). My marriage had essentially dissolved; my life was in shambles. I had two precious children who did not have a suitable father and an emotionally strained wife who did not have a suitable husband. I had reached a place in my life where I felt like the first 35 years of my life had pretty much been mental hell, and I wasn't looking forward to spending the last 35 years experiencing the same. Death seemed the only way out, yet I really didn't want to die either. All I really wanted was to have a purpose for living that I just wasn't able to find, no matter how hard I tried, and a little happiness that lasted longer than another alcohol high.
What if there really was a heaven and a hell?
Despair descended upon me, and the fear of dying began to suddenly plague my thoughts. What if there really was a heaven and a hell? How could I actually prove there wasn't? Furthermore, if there actually was a heaven and a hell, once on the other side, what assurance did I have of having a second chance to get right with God? All I had ever done was live for myself. What would God find in me that would make Him want to let me be in heaven with Him? I had no valid reasons I could come up with. My despair eventually turned to desperation.
Crying out to God
I cried out to God all night long on a Thursday night and nothing happening. I went to bed that Friday evening, like I had done the night before, and started crying out to Jesus Christ. I wanted to know if there was a Jesus Christ who could hear me, or wanted to hear me. "Let me know you are real! I do want to serve the real God, but I've got to know you are real! I've got to know that what the bible says about you is true! I've got to know if you really care for me!" I cried and agonized to God until the wee hours of dawn, but all I heard was silence. "God, do you even hear me?" More silence. I finally gave up. I rationalized to myself that I had been a fool to cry out like this all night long, - thinking that maybe - just maybe - God would have compassion on me and somehow reveal His reality to me so my doubts and confusion would disappear.
The presence of God
It was just starting to break day that early Saturday morning and then it happened! The bedroom instantly became about thirty percent brighter. I looked for a light to be on but none was! I thought maybe the sun was now up and I had fallen asleep and had wakened hours later, but the clock said differently. No - I wasn't imagining it nor was I dreaming it. The light was real! It was of equal intensity throughout the room. An invisible presence was in my room. The reason I know was because an indescribable love was so strong in that room that it seemed there was not enough room to contain it all! I felt like I was being shoved back by a big hand into my bed, the love was so strong. And I knew - don't ask me how I knew - I just knew that it was the presence of Jesus Christ in my room!
God is real!
At that moment He spoke very powerfully to me. Not audibly, I don't think, but powerfully to my inner being. The intensity of it was so strong though that it might just have well of been audible. He told me what I had to do to make my relationship work with Him. Then instantly all the anguish and pain and misery and confusion and doubt of a lifetime were sucked out of me. And all that was left was peace … sweet beautiful peace … a peace that comes from knowing God is real. I had had what many have experienced before in one-way or another: "A cross experience".
A promise to God
Then the room instantly was darkened again as before. And the presence of Christ was now gone. The whole thing didn't take more than a few brief moments to happen, but happen it did! I was now a believer! Moments later, I pulled the covers off from me, sat on the side of the bed, and made a solemn vow to God. I said, "Thank you, Lord, for revealing yourself to me in a way that I can believe in you. I know I don't deserve what has just happened here, and I promise to serve you the rest of my life as best as I can."
I've done my best to keep that promise, even though I've made many mistakes since then. Yet I serve a forgiving and patient God. He's also a God of incredible love. (See how God revealed this to me at a later time by reading 'Love on a dusty road'. God also did some major surgery on me months after this fateful weekend regarding the hang-ups I had about the Bible, and who Jesus Christ actually is. You can read about his at 'The bible miracle'.
Will the real Jesus please stand up?
Jesus said, "I am the way, the truth, and the life; no one comes to the Father, but through me" (John 14:6). Once the Holy Spirit breaks through your spiritual blindness and reveals to you who Jesus Christ really is, then you will understand why a personal relationship with Jesus Christ is everything. How can that be? Because the One who died for your sins some 2,000 years ago … He wasn't just a mere man … He was all of God in human form. And He died especially for you. Jesus also conquered death by rising for the dead. You can discover this for yourself in the bible if you read John Chapter 1 and Colossians 1:13-19. I have included these passages at the end of the story if you would like to read them.) In fact, if you were the only sinner on planet earth, He still would have died just for you! Why? Because His love is that unfathomable -- that great!
He provides peace in your life
If you do not have peace, and the assurance of where you will go after you die (heaven or hell), I want to encourage you to seek answers about who created you and for what purpose. God is the supreme peace giver and will give you His peace as you find answers to these most important questions. (John 14:27) If your life has little meaning and purpose, and you are searching for a reason to keep on living, I can't encourage you enough to ask Jesus Christ to become the Lord and Savior of your life. He created you for an eternal, useful purpose, and until you know what that purpose is, nothing will fill the longing in your heart … He will act and fill that longing in your heart as He acted in my life filling it with meaning and purpose. Time after time God can take your "mess" and turn it into one "glorious message" that will be used to touch the lives of many others for His glory. The most important thing you can do in this life is to ask God to reveal to you who Jesus Christ is. He doesn't want to keep it a secret from those who will truly turn their lives over to Him.
We must stand aside and let God take control of our lives
"For whoever desires to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake and the gospel's will save it." (Mark 8:35). There is a cost to be paid in becoming a Christian. But when you become a Christian you will wonder why you never took this step before and traveled down an exciting life of faith.
Jesus says, "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me" (Luke 9:23).
What is holding you back from forgiveness and eternal life?
So what is holding you back from getting alone with God and seeking after Him until you can walk away a different person? The good news is that if you ask Him He will respond. The way God responds in your situation most likely will be different to mine (although it may not be) but He will respond to your request to make Himself real to you.
The good news is that God took our punishment (yours and mine) ... there is eternal forgiveness for our sins ... that entrance into heaven is free and can be assured ... how glorious and exciting and rewarding this new spiritual life will become!
Giving thanks and praise even in hard times
In my former life I found little happiness and struggled to keep on going. My new life is striving to please my Lord. Serving Him by helping others brings joy. I have discovered that though the afflictions of the righteous are many (see Psalms 34:19). Disciples of Jesus Christ have the assurance that God is working all of our afflictions for eternal good (See Romans 8:28-29; 2 Corinthians 4:16-17; 1 Peter 1:7; James 1:2-4.) We must trust Him through every storm … every demonic battle … even if it is painful and perhaps even an unjust death. The best way I have found to do this is to give thanks to Him "in all things" and "for all things." (See 1 Thessalonians 5:18; Ephesians 5:20.) As Calvin Bergsma, Senior Elder/Pastor of Grandville Christian Fellowship church likes to say, "Praise and thanksgiving is the language of faith." Anyone can praise God and give thanks when things are going well. Only when we feel like God has totally betrayed us … totally let us down ... does it become the sacrifice of praise and thanksgiving. (See: Psalms 107:22; 116:17; Hebrews 13:15). (The fact is God will never let us down but at times it may fell like that to us.) Determining to praise and thank God with our lips through all of life's challenges is more precious to God than all of the wealth of this world (See: 1 Peter 1:7). That's when the most priceless treasures get stored up in heaven for us, as Jesus speaks of in Matthew 6:19-21.
Overflowing with thankfulness
Before I gave my life to God, I don't remember hardly any prayers ever being answered. In my new life as a Christian, I am amazed at God's response to my prayers! God promises that prayers asked in accordance to His will are answered (see John 15:7-8.) although they are not always be answered when and how we expect. God has given me a purpose for living beyond anything I could have ever imagined. My number one purpose in life is to be a willing vessel God can use to minister to others, who are hurting, lost spiritually, or discouraged. To take someone as messed up as I was and give them not only a second chance at marriage, but to then watch God use us together through this Precious Testimonies ministry outreach, the local fellowship we are a part of, (Currently: Grandville Christian Fellowship, Office number: 616-827-0449), and ministry in prisons (currently through Alpha Prison Ministries and Prison Fellowship) -- to impart hope, encouragement and spiritual insight to others ... that is something I am thankful for.
Experience God for yourself!
You can hear about all the glorious things God has done in my life and in the lives of others, and they can give you hope, but they won't bring you joy and peace with God. All they are roadmaps to lead you to your final destiny: Him. You've got to experience God's peace and joy for your life personally and that will only come through a personal relationship with the One who created you ... Jesus Christ. Once you accept Him as your personal Lord and Savior by asking Him into your heart and life, a time will come when you will be as excited as I am to point others to Him. Yes - you'll experience a lot of pain like all other Christian's do. Satan will not let things be "easy" for you, because God will allow Him to put you through a lot of trials to bring spiritual growth and maturity. (After all, life is about being tested; about trust; yet it's very temporary ... in light of eternity).
How long will you wait?
How true this saying will become once we're in eternity: "Only one life will soon be past … only what's done for Christ will last." What is done 'for Christ' is seeking Him for the purpose you were created for, and doing all you know to do as God opens doors and provides the means for you to fulfill that purpose.
Jesus says: "I am the way, the truth and the life," Now this is either the most profound truth in the entire universe, or either the biggest lie. I had to come to the brink of eternity before I came to see it was true. My stubborn pride held me back from all the blessings God had in store for me.
If you don't know Jesus Christ personally, dear reader ... He's knocking on the door of your heart. He won't break the door down - He is a gentleman. You have to invite Him in. You have to step into the realm of trusting God. It may seem scary at first, but once you step over, you'll be like everyone else and think, "Why did I wait so long?"
I pray that you will respond to God and come to know Him,
