Curiosity and experimentation can sometimes lead us into dark places and a dark place is where Lourdes found himself after he delved into areas God has said not to go ... Lourdes also found that God was powerful enough to rescue him from the darkness ...
Reading about witchcraft at an early age
When I was a around seven or eight years old instead of reading typical children's stories I was reading the witchcraft magazines that I found on our shelves at home. I attended a Catholic private school and I was taught to love Jesus. However Jesus was just a distant figure not a real or tangible God in my life.
My parents were divorced and I was living with my mother. My mother had been a member of several occultist groups and lodges for 35 years so our home was very different from others. There were strange signs on the doors and windows and witchcraft materials lying around. I was a very lonely child. No kids used to come and play with me because my mom forbade them to come to my house. I was too young at that age to understand why.
Immersed in the occult
My mom used to take me to her meetings every afternoon till nighttime. I saw people gathered wearing robes holding black candles and speaking with strange words as they called on entities and guiding spirits to help them. I was the youngest in the group and I felt like a 'pet'. After these ceremonies everyone in the group was expected to drink some strange beverages. My mom used to take some of those beverages and gave them to me at home. We used to go to cemeteries to pick up bones for the witchcrafts works. There were special people in charge of giving us the bones. Sometimes the group would drive long distances to the top of the mountains to start rituals at midnight. When I was eight years old I was attending meditation courses for children on Sunday mornings.
Curiosity and experimentation
When I was aged ten or eleven I was old enough to stay home alone. I was very curious and would get the witchcraft magazines and books from the shelf and carry out experiments they described. I wanted to know if what was written in them was true or not so I started doing my own works and tests with magic. Nothing happened in the first days but after some time of experimentation I started witnessing strange phenomenon at home … things appearing and disappearing and things being broken without anybody touching them. My mom started blaming and spanking me for breaking and hiding her things. Then I started having out-of body-experiences.
An exciting world in front of me
When I told my mother about these things she didn't believe me at first. As time passed she knew I was telling the truth. She became somehow proud of me. She started teaching and sharing some of her knowledge with me and teaching me how to obtain my wishes through witchcraft works. There was a new and an exciting world just in front of me.
Trouble at school
Once I got in trouble at school because I started sharing some of my experiences about the occult with my classmates and they all got very scared. The principal (a nun) came to my classroom to see me and gave me a warning. I was almost expelled from the school and all the kids were afraid of talking to me. I felt like isolated and decided not to mention these things to anybody except my mother and "meditation teachers".
At home we had all types of cards including tarot cards that my mom used to read every night. I thought she was playing a game so I asked her to teach me. She also taught me palm reading, which I also thought was just a 'game'.
Voices telling me to end my life
When I become a teenager I went to study in the United States. It was my first experience with a 'normal' family. I kept my experiences secret. I was starting to hear voices telling me to end my life.
Surrounded by darkness and despair
At the age of 18 I came back to my home country of Bolivia and started living by myself in an apartment. These occult powers were even stronger now. I knew I was a 'different kid' but I didn't want to be a 'different kid' because I was not controlling these forces; they were controlling me. I started loosing my memory, having difficulty answering simple questions, having blackouts and terrible headaches, hearing voices night and day, and experiencing deep depression.
Deciding to end it all
I didn't want to live anymore. I was not going to end it all in a spectacular way. I planned to stop eating until I died. I locked myself in my apartment and stopped eating for six days. After this time I was very weak. Then I decided to take a final walk to say 'goodbye' to the city, to the streets, to life …
Startled by a newspaper advertisement
I sat on a bench and started to read a newspaper. A notice in the paper said; "Do you have problems … and need a friend to talk to?" I was very surprised by this advertisement as I had never seen anything like that before. So I decided to go to the address mentioned in the advertisement. I was not going to get help. I was not going to change my decision. I was simply going to have somebody listen to me.
People with a spark of life inside
When I arrived at the address it looked to me like a priest's house because I saw the sign saying 'Jesus' decorating a pulpit in the room. I looked around and I saw a group of teenagers talking and something caught my attention. They had something like a 'spark of life' inside. I kept on waiting for about two hours and when I was about to leave a pastor told me to come in. This man started talking about Jesus. I found this was a Christian home and I listened to him as he told me about Jesus and how to change my life. I challenged this Jesus right then and there to change my life and the pastor said He was accepting the challenge so I prayed with him…
An overwhelming presence of peace and love
I returned home and in the afternoon while I was in my room making my bed I started feeling a presence filling the room … a presence of PEACE AND LOVE like I had never felt before. So I asked aloud, "Is that you the God the pastor told me about?" The presence was overwhelming.
I was so astonished I stayed there for hours enjoying this presence. I didn't want to go to sleep. I didn't want that presence to leave me while falling asleep so I stayed awake till early in the morning and finally fall asleep. When I woke up that presence was still there! It was right there with me … protecting me. I started feeling so much hunger and thirst to know more about this God.
Amazing love
Next morning I dressed up quickly and went to look for that pastor. He talked to me for many hours in his office. He started teaching me about this Jesus every day for 3 weeks and then he invited me to join a church. I watched this pastor closely. When he was praying in their meetings I observed that there was power in his prayers. But this power was not the power I have known for years ... this was a stronger power … it was a power combined with love. I was amazed!
I belong to Jesus
Shortly after that I went visiting my mother and told her about my new life with Jesus. She became very upset and angry with me. She told me that I could not become a Christian because she had dedicated me to the Lodge as a child. Then I yelled at her and told her "I don't belong to any group. I belong to Jesus!" She was very angry and told me that terrible things were going to happen to me if I continued the way I was. I replied, "I don't care. I am not alone; I am with Jesus." So I left her house immediately.
Learning forgiveness and healing wounds
The Lord taught me many things at that time. He taught me that I should forgive my mother … she didn't know what she was doing. I bought her presents and would leave them at her door with notes expressing all my love for her and telling her that Jesus loved her too. I'd ring the bell and run away. This helped me to heal my wounds and memories. I did this very often for many years. I didn't want to meet my mother face to face, as I was not prepared.
Strong bondages
I joined the church and I had Christian fellowship for some years but there were problems from time to time. I was having spiritual problems and battles because the strong bondages of the past had not been properly dealt with. My pastors helped me a lot and supported me with tender love and prayers but some type of problem was still there. I noticed that there were two opposing forces battling for my soul. I stumbled my way through the Christian life.
Looking for someone to help me
I was not a child anymore so I wanted to understand what was going on with me. I wondered if there was a person who had escaped the darkness of the occult so I started to search the Internet. I didn't know where to look and I looked at wrong places. I looked at Satanist's web sites. Were Satanists trying to get away from the occult? Were all Satanists happy or satisfied with Satanism? These questions were on my mind. So I started looking for information but I didn't know that I was slowly getting trapped again.
Playing with fire
Going through those web sites didn't clarify anything; it just made things worse. I started having problems again and I came to a point where I felt like I was leaving Jesus behind … that loving Jesus, like I was taking a trip with no return. What I didn't know was that Jesus was not willing to leave me. I was trying to find logical information about what was happening to me but searching for information in the wrong places. I was playing with fire and nobody plays with fire without getting burned.
Living in a the daze of a nightmare
I was in trouble. These invisible entities and spirits trapped my mind and they acted with no mercy. I didn't know where I was most of the day. It was like I was drunk. I was walking on the streets … it was like a dream. I was very sensitive to spiritual things. My body was getting paralysed. I was experiencing electric shocks almost every night. Every minute seemed to be the last. I didn't want to kill myself this time. Satan was going to do it for me.
Help from Refuge Ministries
I looked at Christian web sites in South America but they had no information about these matters. I looked further and finally I came across Jeff's and Liz Harshbarger's website at Refuge Ministries It was a blessing when I got an email from him answering my questions. He helped me by giving scriptures. I kept those scriptures in my mind and I had a hope at last. Jeff's answers were accurate and straight to the point. The scriptures he gave me were like a guiding light at the end of the tunnel. His words sounded somewhere very distant at the beginning but they became more clear and stronger as he didn't give up on me. I finally found somebody in the world who had a complete understanding about what was happening to me.
Jeff told me:
Submit to Jesus
Jesus paid a price for you on the cross so the devil can not do whatever he pleases with you
Don't empower the enemy he is already defeated
You are the property of Jesus
You should only abide in Him... and be under His protection
Jesus giving me then strength
These words penetrated my thinking deeply and although I didn't feel like obeying at the beginning, I began taking one step at a time. I thought I was not going to make it through another day because I saw and heard some threatening things on my way back. Whenever I felt something ominous was coming towards me I'd say, "it is not my fight Lord it is yours because I am yours. You paid a price for me with your blood." I gradually rejected fear and guided myself by faith. The scriptures Jeff showed me, the Bible studies and the praises were working … they were coming alive. They gave me courage to grab the Lord's hand and we went together right through the dark tunnel. Jesus said trust me and don't fear.
Working as a team
I had to learn to walk with the Lord one day after another trusting Him … my life was depending on Him. It was like Jesus was taking intensive care of me. After firmly rejecting the enemy for some time I started having a "continuous peace" in mind and body. It was teamwork. I didn't feel alone in the battle. I felt so small before Him. His love was so great. I could experience His love and grace ... I could not understand why He loved me that much! How patient He was! Now, as I look back, I can see His almighty power mixed with tenderness and the care He has for each one of us.
Reconciliation with my mother
Some time later I went visiting my mother and told her all that had happened to me and she was surprised to hear me. Instead of being angry with me this time, she asked me for help because the forces she once felt proud of were coming against her also. I translated the material Jeff sent me and my mom decided to join a Christian church. I went visiting my mother again and she was about to leave home to go to a Christian service. I joined her and on the way I could not believe it! We were going to a Christian meeting together for the first time in our lives. I started crying with happiness and joy. I continue to remember that day … that day my mother and I worshiped the one true God, who cares about us and truly loves us.
Two masters … which one do you choose?
There are two potential masters … one is Jesus and the other is Satan.
Jesus
Jesus is loving and caring and does not oblige you to serve. He gives you free will to love Him and serve Him. When you serve Him you do it out of gratitude and because you love Him. He takes care of you. He shows His power combined with love and justice and no matter what the problem is, no matter how weak you feel He is always there to lift you up and give you eternal life. He paid a price for you on the cross because He loves you deeply.
Satan
The other master seduces you by offering you knowledge and personal power. However, when you serve him you gradually loose your will and, before you know it, you become a slave and prisoner. If you fall he will leave you there on the floor and will step on you with pride and will kill you if you let him. His name is Satan. Jesus defeated Satan on the cross around 2000 years ago… so his power is broken but not everyone knows and understands that. Satan is only able to operate by deception, preying on people's ignorance and pride.
Thanks …
This is my true story.. I'm thankful I'm here to write it! I give thanks to JESUS who didn't give up on me. Thanks to Refuge Ministries and Jeff and Liz Harshbarger for their love and 24 hour help to pull me out of that dark slide ... and thanks to my pastors and the church for their prayers and support.
I am a school and university teacher now and I teach about this loving God we have to anybody who may need it.
"He who does what is sinful is of the devil because the devil has been sinning from the beginning. The reason the Son of God appeared was to destroy the devil's work" (1 John 3:8).
