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KATE1 |  |
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KATE1 | |
Kate's story shows how God's unconditional love can heal all our wounds no matter how depth they may be. This includes the wounds that are produced from experiencing years of neglect and abuse. Through the love of a married couple and the care of others, Kate was able to experience God's grace. Kate's story encourages us never to give up.
I was born into a very abusive home. My brothers, and in particular, my three sisters and I were neglected, starved, sexually assaulted and physically abused. We were often locked in our rooms, sometimes for up to five days at a time. If anything went missing from the refrigerator, we were all made to miss dinner that night. Very rarely were we allowed breakfast and mostly were only given lunch on school days. When I was about thirteen, my older sister began cooking us vegetables.
My parents were very careful in not letting anyone know about the abuse and gave us strict orders not to let anyone know our business. We weren't allowed to go to friends' houses, or contact friends from school, unless our parents approved and we were not allowed to disclose the things that were not right in our family.
At fifteen, I shared with my school-friend a little bit about what was happening. Unbeknownst to me, she told the school welfare co-ordinator. This was the turning point in my life. The welfare co-ordinator contacted the department of Human Services that very day and my twin sister and younger sister were called out of class. We walked in to the sitting room, to where two police and another lady were waiting to speak to us. At first we thought we were in trouble with the police. The police were sent to our house to investigate.
When the police arrived at my home, as usual it was a disaster. The laundry had not been done for weeks, and the refrigerator was empty. The house, littered with all kinds of mess, made it difficult to walk from room to room. It was what we had grown up to think was normal. My father even sometimes shared a bed with my sister and I hadn't even thought much of that until I shocked my friend in relating the account.
Such was the control of my father, my sisters and brothers turned against me. They believed they would be the ones who would get belted for my having said what I said. We had been brainwashed for so many years. At that stage, all I had only told them was that my sister was obviously being sexually abused. I hadn't even told them the rest.
The four younger children, including myself, were out of home for six months while the courts decided whether we should be returned to our home. During that time, my older sister tried to make me tell them I was not telling the truth, but I refused. The older two sisters were left at home because they were over sixteen and were legally allowed to make a choice.
My time out of home was such an eye-opening experience. I had not realised there were so many places to go, to shop, or even to buy take-out food. For the first time, I had pocket money, went to shops, had my own freedom and could make choices. I was even allowed to make friends. This freedom however didn't last long.
I didn't want to go home but the courts decided I should be returned. With everyone in my family turned against me, I had to pretend that I was looking forward to returning. So returned home with a sense of resignation and a deepening sorrow as I knew things would soon settle back to how they once were. In a matter of weeks I was once again a prisoner. But still, something had changed.
At the time, though I had not realised it at first, I sensed that something was different. The difference, it turned out was with me. I had started to become aware of something new - my mind had been freed.
During that brief absence from home, a wonderful new world had opened up for me. Once, just before we were sent back home, the head of the local church took us into a room and prayed for my sisters and I. Although it seemed really weird, I found it amazing that he cared that much to pray for us. That night, when I got back to the refuge, I can remember thinking to myself; "Who is this God?" I even tried to read the Bible, but it was a version I found hard to understand.
Now I was back at home, I often found myself thinking about the church I had briefly attended and often about the church we were now allowed to attend with my parents. My parents also started going to a nearby church, which I believed was so that it looked good for their court case. Although I always felt sleepy through these services, and didn't understand much of what was being said, I was strangely drawn to the music. I loved that music.
One day, the one of the church leaders brought us into the church to do a 'Christianity Explained' course. We learned from the book of Mark and for the first time I begun to understand the Bible. I remember clearly once during one of those studies, a prayer was read out aloud, and they said that if we wanted to, we could say it too. I was too embarrassed to read it out because my mum was there and I never showed emotions around my family. Instead, I repeated it in my heart. I had learned to bury my emotions so no one could get close. Yet on this day, I had put this aside and had invited God in. Immediately there began in me a change, one that transformed my life totally.
Until nearly six months later, when my older sister confessed she had also become a Christian, I revealed to no one about my decision to allow God into my heart. Up until then, I hadn't possessed the courage. It was then I decided to become a member of the church. My enthusiasm lasted only a short time though and the pressures from other family members, mostly from my mother, succeeded in dampening my spirit. I slowly began to drift away from God. I stayed there in the church, as it was the only time we were allowed out of home. It was my means of escape, so I continued to act like I was a commitment church member. I did however still love listening to my Christian music.
When I was 17, I finally left home for good. Going first to one of the leaders of the previous church, he found us accommodation with an organization run by Christians. I was accommodated in one of their houses for the first eight weeks, and during that time, I opened up to one of the workers about more of the abuse. As a result my father was charged.
My twin sister and were I moved to another home, in which a married couple were the lead tenants. My younger sister, who had felt rejected by us when we moved out of home, was allowed to live with us also. (Welfare took her out of home.) My older sister moved in with the parents of her boyfriend. My dad went to prison for his sexual abuse, after being sentenced to a number of years in jail.
Living with this latest couple was the next stage in my life-changing experiences. Stuart2 and Annette2 began in me the slow process of learning how to trust people. For the first time ever I felt respected and loved. Being like a real father to me, Stuart exhibited what it was like to experience God's real love. It was then I made a new commitment with God.
To this day, God is still working with me on my past and I know for sure He loves me unconditionally. I have learned and understood what it was for Jesus to have died for me, and that God is my true heavenly Father. My faith in Him has grown more and more over the years and I am now a leader in the church and am able to encourage others in their faith. I have hope now where I thought none ever existed. God has given me two wonderful children and a loving husband.
I pray that whoever reads this testimony will put their faith in God also, because He is the only one that can heal, and make us feel whole again. He is a God of unconditional love, and knows every intimate detail of our lives. He changes our lives when we trust and allow Him to come into our heart. He gives us a peace that surpasses all understanding. I can say honestly that I am proud to be a child of God.
Since becoming a Christian there have been many hurdles along the way. Dealing with my past has been a battle, but God has taken me through. At times, I have felt rejected, alone and abandoned but God has shown me, through the Bible, that He is there for me and will never leave me or abandon me. Below are a few verses that have been significant in my walk with God. For anyone that is feeling that God is not there for them and doesn't care, read and meditate on these words.
Remember, God is there for you and you are never alone.
Kate1
Lord Jesus, set me free from the chains that bind me and make my life brand new. Take from me bitterness and pain, help me carry my burdens and comfort me in my hour of need. Show me your power and love. I have rebelled against you but I believe that you suffered and died for my sin and rose from the dead so I could have eternal life. Jesus, forgive my sins! I put my trust in you and declare that you are the Lord of my life. Give me the strength to follow you all the days of my life. Amen!
 | KATE TALKS ABOUT FORGIVENESS | |
I think I still have forgiveness issues that I need to continually work through. Therefore, at times I find it hard to forgive. I don't think I'm qualified to show others how to forgive. Forgiveness is a big issue in my life - it is something I have constantly worked through. I come to a point where I think I have forgiven my parents, but then something happens and I remember a situation in the past and have to work through forgiveness yet again."
"I know it might sound like I have a lack of faith, and in some sense it is, but I am an emotional person and feelings get in the way a lot. I know that this sometimes holds me back in my relationship with God. Some people have the ability to give things over to God very quickly and easily, but I find this takes me time. But I do get there in the end, and I know that God understands this because He totally knows and understands every little detail of our lives.
Lord, increase our faith!
Jesus is the key to forgiveness. Go to Him for help.
Kate1
