Fear that comes from at the sound of a police siren

“For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind” (2 Timothy 2:7)

I wake up every hour and pace through the house - checking to see if my children are in their beds and they have not climbed out a window to roam the streets. I pray every waking moment that God will protect them and keep them alive. I pray that God will give them what they need most, even if it’s the consequence of jail or something I don’t want for them.

I work in the yard and hear the siren of police cars and freeze, imagining the worst and wondering if this will be the day I lose a child. As the tears of sadness and frustration fall, I wonder how many other parents feel this stab of fear and sadness each time they hear a siren or get a late night call, or find an empty bed in the middle of the night.

Many trials in life

“The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds” (2 Corinthians 10:4).

How can I remain faithful and sane through this? How can I make it through work each day, with a smile and a positive attitude, when all I can think about is the safety of my children? I may come home to a neighbor yelling about the noise, another broken window, horrible looking hoodlums hanging around my home all day or to another nasty message from my children’s father reminding me that their poor choices and decisions and failures are all my fault?

Acting as mother and father

“Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love” (Ephesians 4:2).

Yet somehow, through it all, we single parents do the impossible alone. Discipline and comfort, love and correct, listen and direct. Act as both mother and father, good cop and bad cop, while giving them unconditional love, when they are the hardest to love.  Instil positive moral values in children who curse, steal, lie and seem to have no interest in anything other than friends, drugs, music and parties.

Will I forget … will my children remember?

“Be kind and compassionate to one another forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you” (Ephesians 4:31).

Will I forget what doesn’t matter and will my children remember what does? Will I forget my burned bible, punched holes in the walls, stolen money, broken windows, lies and threats, drugs and alcohol, constant police visits? Will my children remember the importance of honesty at all times, remember to give back to this unfair world and do the right thing when no one is looking?

Will they remember volunteering at the church homeless shelter and speaking to all people with respect and kindness, praying for people, even for those tough ones, who are lashing out because they are hurting? Will they grow up to be productive members of society and be good parents to their own children one day? Will they survive a drug addiction, hitting rock bottom and a prison sentence?

Never … never … never give up

“Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen” (Ephesians 4:29).

I am overjoyed to give you hope that yes, your prayers can be answered! Your patience and faith and quiet strength will pay off. Never give up. Never stop loving them. Never turn your back on them. Never quit speaking words of faith over them. They will become what you call them in faith.

Call them strong and determined, not stubborn, loyal and committed, never stupid, imaginative and creative, not crazy, beautiful, forgiven children of God. Never stop believing and never lose faith in God’s plan for each of our lives. They will come back to their roots and foundation. Believe and never give up on them.

Joy in spite of children going to prison

“But let all who take refuge in you be glad; let them ever sing for joy. Spread your protection over them, that those who love your name may rejoice in you” (Psalm 5:11).

After struggling through over seven years of rebellious and dangerous behavior from both of my children, losing my Father to cancer and then seeing both children go to prison, life has begun a new and beautiful chapter. My children are the joy and inspiration that causes me to want to share my story of hope with anyone who is suffering and trying to survive with rebellious loved ones. Never give up!

Jeanne

“What does it profit a man to gain the whole world but lose his soul?” (video clip)

Come to know your Creator (animation)

The Reason (music video)