Asking for your prayers (Friday, 30 July, 2010)

I came across your website while searching for hope and strength for upcoming trials in my life.

I ask for your prayers in this difficult time and pray that God may truly use it to glorify Him, as your testimonies and ministry are doing right now.

In Christ's love,
Carolynn

Thanks for sharing (Tuesday, 3 August, 2010)

Thank you so much for your words and prayers!  It means more to me than you'll ever know.

A little more background:

I would be so excited to share my testimony with anyone and everyone.  So please, feel free to publish and/or share it whatever way would be pleasing to God.  I believe God does not call the equipped but equips the called and I feel Him calling me. I pray every day that He uses me to reach out to others and if this can be done by you using my story, again, I would be so thrilled and feel even more ‘on fire for Christ’!

Thank you also for sharing the links to the stories of others.  They are so inspiring and give me so much hope that I find myself reading them over and over and sharing them with others!

I will most definitely continue to follow your website and keep in touch with you (if that's alright with you).  I so appreciate everything you do to share the light of Christ with the world!

In Christ's love,

Carolynn

The devil attacks but God’s grace is so deep (Wed, 4 August, 2010)

Hi,

Thank you so much for putting my story together.  I pray that it brings much glory and honor to Christ, and that He may use it to reach out to those struggling in whatever their circumstances may be.  I too will keep it by my side; referring to it always, especially in my moments of weakness.  God is truly good, all of the time!  I never would have thought that, or thought any good could come of my arrest on June 17th.

It's only been 47 days since that day and even I am amazed and constantly give thanks and glory to God for my transformation.  However, I find the devil constantly telling me it's not real; and that such a change cannot happen that quickly and I'm just desperate right now.

But just the other day, my daily prayers and devotions led me to the reading of Saul's (Paul's) transformation on the road to Damascus. "Saul, the man most Christians of the time may have considered to be somewhat of a monster, had reached his day of conversion - in no uncertain terms! He was literally knocked down on the road to Damascus and directly called by God. He thereafter became known as Paul."

The writer continues:

The conversion of Paul, in spite of his attempts to completely eradicate Christianity, is seen as evidence of the power of Divine Grace, with "no fall so deep that grace cannot descend to it" and "no height so lofty that grace cannot lift the sinner to it."  It also demonstrates "God's power to use everything, even the hostile persecutor, to achieve the divine purpose." ("On the Road to Damascus", by Wayne Blank)

Wow!  Again, God provided the support and strength I needed to fight the devil's control over my thoughts.  I was reminded that there is no ‘minimum or maximum’ on the amount of time it takes God to work miracles.

I thank God for you and "Changing Lives" for the encouragement and strength you have and continue to give me.  I so appreciate the messages and links to the other testimonies and words of encouragement you provide.  And I am so grateful that "Changing Lives" is a wonderful resource that helps me ‘shout from the mountaintop’ my enthusiasm for our Triune God!

Fear as my DUI court day approaches (Tuesday 10 August, 2010)

As my ‘earthly’ judgment day [in court to face my third Driving Under the Influence charge] approaches, I am still feeling much concern and fear. But I am feeling so much strength and joy in Christ through all of your prayers.

I so much regret, especially for my family's sake, that I am going through this third DUI charge.  But I rejoice in the fact that my foolishness did not bring any physical harm to others or myself.   I rejoice especially that the ordeal has strengthened my and my family's relationships with the Lord; for what is seen as evil, God is using for my/our good.

Many thanks again for all of your ministries, your sharing, prayers, words of encouragement and strength!

The first court appearance (Friday, 13 August, 2010)

I think the story on your website looks great.  I just made a few minor changes.

With my addictive personality, I continuously thank God that I have never experimented with illegal drugs.  I know I would have been addicted to those too as I was looking for anything to give me peace.

I give such thanks and praise to the Lord for the fact that He is already using me, through you, to reach out to someone and pull them closer to Him.  I could never comprehend how the apostles could rejoice through the torment they were going through.  I'm not in any way comparing what I am going through to what they went through, of course!  But despite my fear, nervousness and disgust at myself for what I have done, I have truly developed such love and devotion for our awesome God.  All things truly do "work together for good to those who love Him and are called according to His purpose".  God doesn't call the equipped; He equips the called and this is what I believe He is doing to me right now.  That is so exciting to me!

I had my first court appearance yesterday morning.  I tried with all my might to put all of my cares on Him, but fear was still attacking my thoughts incessantly.  Because I violated the terms of my probation from my last arrest, the judge wanted to take me into custody right then and there in order to serve out the remaining 320 days. However, she allowed me to be released if I agreed to be hooked up to a home monitor that I breathe into three times a day to make sure I'm not drinking.  Praise God!  At least until my next court appearance (September 29th), God had the judge show leniency in allowing me to go home, love my family up and keep my job.  I'm sure the judge never saw another defendant so excited to be on home monitoring!

When I think about how I could have been locked up immediately, not seeing my husband or children outside the prison gates, all I can say is the air never felt fresher, my home never looked more beautiful, my family never meant more to me and first and foremost, I rejoiced in my great God, knowing that no matter the outcome, He was and is always right beside me.

I've often asked the question to others and myself:  Why do we make the easiest thing to do (turn all of our worries over to Christ) become the hardest thing for us to do?  I know I shouldn't be worried or scared for the future, knowing it is all in God's almighty hands, but yet I am. I know I have many more valleys to walk through, but I know "the Lord is with me.  His staff and His rod comfort me."  (That Bible verse was in my August 11th morning devotional that I read on my way into court.)

Many, many thanks again for your loving care and concern, words of wisdom, and especially your prayers.  I also give thanks that you are providing a way to get my testimony and prayer requests out to so many, which I would be unable to do on my own.  I thank God everyday for leading me to your wonderful ministry.

Encouraged by a poem (Wednesday, 18 August, 2010)

Hi,
I have and continue to get such strength from your messages and website and I thank God everyday that He led me to your ministry.  I truly hope that God may use my story to encourage others in overcoming their struggles and addictions.

Thank you SO MUCH for the poem written by Louise Buhay.  How poignant and on-point those words are to me!  I praise God and continue to be awed by the ways He uses your ministry, your wise words, the Bible passages you send, and the testimonies you share. These arrive at just the right moment when I need them, to minister to me, give me strength and remind me what a great and wonderful God He is!

Thank you so much again for your continued prayers and messages.  I will definitely keep you posted and, while I am still nervous about the days ahead, I am excited to add more pages of "Faith in Action" as the Father continues His work in me.

Putting aside my ‘liquid courage’ (8 September 2010)

Hi,
I most certainly will pray for those people you have emailed me about. I can relate to them on so many levels.  My life was so messed up on a personal level, and now I am facing criminal penalties as well.  However, I know now that my life had to get so low in order for me to truly surrender my all to Christ.

Looking back, the morning I truly cried out to Christ and re-dedicated my life to him, I was at the lowest point in my life, in the lowest part of my home (the basement).  From that point on, I have such peace that I've never felt before; such love and appreciation for my family that I never had before. (Yes, my husband and children would get on my nerves a lot)!  God can and does change our hearts in that matter, too.
We've never been as close as we are now. We have nightly devotions and family prayers.  The difference is that God is truly in the center of our lives in a way we never let Him be before. All because of the ‘mess’ I've made out of my life.  All things do truly work together for those who love Him; love and trust Him with all our heart, soul and mind.

Trusting our lives to Christ should be so easy, yet we make it so hard.  My heart is still very heavy, wondering what the outcome of my criminal sentencing will be.  I could be torn away from my family just as we're bonding more than we ever have.  I could be imprisoned and it could be for a year or longer.  I am very scared.  But previously, I would always turn to alcohol to subdue my fears.  I never thought I could give up drinking even when I was in rehab.

I didn't drink at all when I was pregnant, but I knew I would go back to the bottle sometime after my children were born.  How could I give up alcohol, the one thing that seemed to have made me feel better than I really thought I was?  For me, it was ‘liquid courage’.
What a miracle that now, going through the most difficult time of my life, I have been sober for 70 days.  Previously, liquor consumed my every thought. Where was I going to buy alcohol? Where would I hide the alcohol? When is the next time I could sneak a drink of alcohol?

Now, every time those thoughts enter my head I call to Christ to drive those thoughts out. And He does!  Those thoughts are so few and far between now.
Indeed my life was such a mess.  But I believe that God can make great things out of my messy life.  In my studies the other day, I was reminded that three of the most significant men in scripture were guilty of murder.  Moses killed an Egyptian, David killed Uriah, and Paul killed a number of Christians and persecuted them.  If God can use them, I know He can use me! I am a living testimony of how God can turn a life around.

Again, I am still very nervous about my upcoming court appearance.  When I find myself going crazy thinking about it, I know I have to pray even harder and God does give me the peace that passes all understanding.  I also am so thankful for your continuing prayers.  Always know that your prayers are being heard and answered in giving me that peace.  It is because of that I can truly say, despite my fears and uncertainty; "Praise be to God"!

My next court appearance is September 29th and I will of course keep you posted.  Please let Susan know I'm praying for her as well.

In Christ's love,
Carolynn

Read part 2

Carolynn's life story