HEATHER (1)

REALITY OF LIVING ON THE STREETS

"For some, living on the streets may seem to be an escape from the things that annoy them about living at home; others live on the streets because of family breakdown or having been abused at home. Whatever the reasons for being there, Heather reveals the truth about the harsh realities of street life … alcoholism, drugs, exploitation, rape, and pain …

Being a 'brat' as a child

I was the youngest child in my family. I whinged heaps, cried a lot and generally was a pain in the neck. My eldest sister is eleven years older than I am, so there is not much that I remember about our relationship when we were young. By the time I was ten years old, my older sister had married and left home. My other sister is only twelve months older than I am and we were pretty close. She had to spend a lot of time looking after me and this annoyed her because I was a terrible brat at times. There were also a lot of good times and my sister and I spent a lot of time together as my mum and dad were busy working.

Growing up in a dysfunctional family

My parents divorced and my mother and sister left when I was twelve years old, leaving just my dad and I. My family was non-Christian and we lived in Canberra, the capital city of Australia. Both my parents have been married three times each. I am from the second marriage. I have four sisters and one brother, all from previous marriages except one sister. There were only two sisters and myself who lived with my parents. In spite of all this, I had some good times as I was growing up.

Not handling life very well

Everything changed when my mother and sister left. Life took on a totally different aspect. I lost interest in the good things, because there simply weren't very many good things left for me. My eldest sister became more prominent in my life. My dad didn't really know how to deal with a girl who was just hitting puberty, who was wilful, sulky, and who thought she knew everything about life. I spent a lot of time with my eldest sister, staying at her place fairly often. I started high school soon after, and my grades dropped through the floor. I wasn't handling life very well at all.

'Rebel'

For many years I searched for answers; searching for someone to blame and blaming everyone else for my mistakes. I made more mistakes hoping someone would take notice of me. Well, they did take notice of me, but not in very helpful ways. 'Friends' showed me how to get 'high', how to be cool by drinking, and basically how to be a rebel. Police showed me a range of different things from trying to warn me of the dangers of hanging around the wrong crowd, to arresting me for drunk and disorderly behaviour.

The high price of having a (so called) 'good' time

I finally ended up living 'on the streets'. I was known by the police as having 'no fixed address'. I stayed anywhere people would let me stay. My friend of the moment and I would hitchhike around the place. Life seemed like it was just was one big party. Stoned on drugs everyday, not caring really what happened next, as long as we had a 'good' time. Then something happened that was to change the direction of my life for a very long time. I was raped. On my downhill spiral I had gone through some pretty tough situations. Living on the streets, I had become an alcoholic and a drug dealer, I had been raped, and had tried to kill myself several times.

Unable to see the consequences

I was so naive; I thought that I was invincible. Time and time again I got into trouble and silly situations but each time I was amazed that I kept falling for the same thing over and over. When you are searching for something and do not really know what you are looking for you can somehow fool people that you know what you are on about. The thing is, although you know what you're doing, you don't really see the consequences of your actions, how you might hurt others, or how people might take advantage of you until it is too late. Then, after a while total resignation to the situation steps in and you really don't care.

Justifying yourself

People would say, "Heather, yeah we all know what she's like! Silly little ....... Why doesn't she wake up to herself" To hide your foolishness and to cope with the name-calling and judgemental comments I would say things like, "Well, what is wrong with what I do? You don't have enough courage to live like me. You are just jealous. I'm proud of what I do because I do it well!" After a while you would end up believing it yourself.

A viscous circle

I thought no one really cared for me, so why should I care about myself? No one seemed to think I was good enough. My 'druggie' friends thought I was cool because I was not bowing to pressure around me to stop drug taking. My lifestyle of drugs invited criticism from people outside the drug scene, which led me to justify myself. Relying on drugs and alcohol helped me cope with all this. The cycle was viscous and complete!

Living on the streets is not the easy way out

The young people in the street / druggie culture seemed to be there because they thought they had no other option. They were often abused at home, or they did not like the discipline they received at home and many even thought it was the 'cool' thing to do. The thought is, that if it gets too hard to handle things at home … it's easy … I'll just run away … anyway this is the theory. In practice it doesn't work this way!

Playing the 'game'

On leaving home the person expects something for nothing and they expect big parties, heaps of friends and freedom. At first this is what you may experience. However, you will soon find that the only way to survive out there is to supply a need for other people. For some it is sex, others drugs, others still, stolen goods, and the list goes on. Survival is the name of the game; you either play the game or end up out of control on heroine or alcohol, maybe both. Not everyone becomes a heroine addict or an expert in break and enters, but whether on a large or small scale, people end up trapped and their lives become just another sad story.

Life was a living hell

By the time I was seventeen, I was a drug dealer and an alcoholic. I lived on the streets and constantly had 'run ins' with the law. It tended to get fairly heavy at times, emotionally and physically. I have been through alcoholism; seeing my friends die on drugs; having a baby and giving it up; gang rape; the "bikie" scene; L.S.D. and other drugs; severe loneliness and depression. By the age of 27, I was divorced with two children and running down the highway to hell.

Could I risk change?

Then I started hearing about God from my sister Estelle. She was telling me about the love God had for me. It didn't quite fit; the only people who had ever professed love to me were those who wanted something. Why did this God love me? I wasn't worth a pinch of anything. There were so many confusing thoughts. I was trapped in this lifestyle; there was no way out. But what if what I had been told was true? If there was freedom, true freedom, was it worth the risk? Many people had sucked me in before, only to laugh in my face. I had gone through enough pain; to suffer again would be unbearable. All my friends would abandon me. But then, that would mean they were not my real friends after all.

Only He could save me from hell

My sister was talking again about God, and asked me if I wanted to give my life to God. It was crunch time. I knew it was now or never. So, I gave my heart to the Lord. I accepted the fact that there was nothing that I could do that would get me to Heaven. I knew I was on my way to hell and the only thing that could save me was to accept Jesus Christ as my Lord and Saviour and trust that He would look after me. So I got down on my knees and prayed what is called the 'sinners prayer'. A big thunderstorm started up just as my sister was helping me with what to pray; it was fairly dramatic! However, I was about to find out that even if you have a dramatic experience, that is not what becoming a Christian is all about.

Being hypocritical … trapped by my desires

You see, my life didn't change very much. I kept drinking and doing all the bad things but I decided I had better lay off the harder drugs. I did start to read my Bible though. After a while, I realised that my lifestyle was not in line with what the Bible said. My way of life had not changed at all since I became a Christian. Yes, I said all the right things to my Christian friends and even went to church occasionally. But I was being a hypocritical Christian. Saying one thing and living another! I was still trapped by my desires and not living by the Bible. In John Chapter 8 verse 34 to 36 it says: Jesus replied, "I tell you the truth, everyone who sins is a slave to sin. Now a slave has no permanent place in the family, but a son belongs to it forever. So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed."

Breaking away from my past

So I took steps to get away from the things that kept me trapped in my sin. I left the city for the country. While living in the country, God showed me His wonderful love and how, if I depend on Him, He meets all of my needs. Life was pretty tough. I did not have things that I was so accustomed to having … a car, T.V., fridge, lounge-suite. My washing machine was one of those old ones where you have to empty the tub to rinse the clothes and then put them through the wringer, and the toilet consisted of a tin can in a shed, which was really gross, as I had to empty it every three days by digging a hole in the paddock.

Christianity is about a relationship with Jesus

However, God is a God of miracles and I saw this in my daily life. Although these times were hard, I learnt first hand that my God is an awesome God and if we obey His will we have a freedom and happiness that overcomes our problems. Life isn't always easy now, but I have learnt that Christianity is not something that you do, but something that you are. I also have the confidence in knowing that Jesus Christ is my Lord and Saviour and, where I was once condemned to hell, I am now going to spend eternity with my Lord.

Since committing my life to God, He has blessed me with a wonderful husband and four delightful children, making my life interesting! God has also led me to work with young people. Through my experiences, I try to help them understand that life can be wonderful if we receive the eternal gift that God has given us. A lot of them think that they can do it alone. I try, with God's grace, to teach them how they can live their lives according to the Bible. The Bible says that we should have Jesus as our example. A helpful way to monitor this is to ask yourself, would Jesus do what I am doing?

True freedom

With the guidance of the Holy Spirit, I share with young people about when I was living on the streets. Anyone who has lived on the streets for long enough would know what I am talking about when I say trapped. Yes, I thought I was free, free of hassles and of all the annoying things, but I was wrong. In reality, I was trapped by sin in a lifestyle that only leads to pain, addiction, and possibly early death. It was only through trusting in Jesus that I was set free from this bondage of sin to discover and enjoy a life of true freedom.

Heather

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