Are you trapped by thoughts of suicide or confused about the real purpose of life? Greg's life story shows the powerful effect that music has and encourages you seek answers wherever you are in your life.
Long hair, rock music and beads
I grew up in the sixties and seventies and this was the period of long hair, the Beatles, rebellion, 'free' love, hippies and flower power, drug experimentation and "doing your own thing if it felt good". My generation thought they were escaping the 'unreasonable' constraints of our parents, to pursue a path of peace and happiness. In our teenage years my brother and I had long hair, wore satin shirts and beads and loved music, listening to it for hours and hours. I thought I was an individual who was doing something different because as Bob Dylan said, 'The times were a'changin'. I was looking for answers in music but many of my idols seemed to have enough problems of their own. Jimmy Hendrix and Janis Joplin had died of drug overdoses. Many singers were lost in a drug-induced world of rebellion or seemed to be aimlessly wondering from one relationship to another. Many of my generation paid a very high price for 'free love'. They were searching for meaning, joy, truth and love but seemed unable to find it.
The family farm
A father's advice
My father would say, "You are not an individual because you are doing the same thing as your friends. You are just copying them and the fashions of the day". Looking back on it, the reason this talk irritated me was because it was true but I didn't want to acknowledge it!
What is going on here? (If you are wondering ... "yes" I am embarrassed by this photograph!)
Jesus: only a fairy tale and swear word
In my early years, I learnt little of the bible and I had the habit of disrupting my Religious Education teacher by continually talking. The only time I mentioned the words Jesus or Christ was when I kicked my foot on a rock or something went wrong. Jesus was not a person to me but only a fairy tale and a swear word. I wanted to live my own life and "do my own thing". I viewed Christianity as weakness and I didn't need God as I thought I could solve my own problems. In my view, a belief in God was 'unscientific'. Although I had never read the bible, I was quick to mock people who believed it to be true. A lack of knowledge never stops me from opening my mouth!
The college years
The evil in men's heart
In 1980, I travelled overseas and at the Dachau concentration camp museum in Germany I was confronted with the evils that can be hidden in the human heart. These included the gas chambers and experiments carried on human beings. I was physically shaken by this museum visit and it shattered the illusions I had that man was basically good. They were human like me, but something inside drove them to carry out these cruel acts. The thousands of wars during history did not improve my opinion of human nature. I started to examine world history and I started to search for the person who had done the most good for others.
I was guilty
I started to review my own life and I realised that if I was to face a God who knew everything I had every thought, done and said, I would not be found 'innocent' but guilty of evil himself.
A restless search to make sense of the world
I wondered about the state of the world and whether there were any absolute rights and wrongs.
Is there a God?
Is there a controlling energy or not?
I'm trying really hard to untangle this knot
I want to know, I want to know
I penned these words in 1979, when I was wondering if God existed. I couldn't see the world in black and white, as there always appeared to be two sides to any debate. There didn't seem to be a God, as the world appeared to be out of control. The news was filled with war, violence, rape, corruption, suicide, bitterness, pain, deception, sadness, suffering, disease and deceit. The world seemed to be dying and I felt I had lost my way in a world that had lost its way.
Thoughts of self destruction
I began to have destructive thoughts, as out of the blue the thought of; "Cut your wrists!" would be planted in my mind. This seemed absolutely crazy to me, as I wasn't depressed about anything at the time. I had everything I thought I needed. These thoughts came to me on about five occasions and on one of these, I actually visualised my carrying it out. I finally blocked out these thoughts and they went away. I didn't want to have anything to do with self-destruction, but the fact that these thoughts would come to me without my invitation, was a very scary experience.
I discovered from these thoughts that there existed real but invisible forces outside myself. Nothing in my world of science could explain evil forces that seemed to have a personality of their own. I couldn't think of a controlled experiment that I could carry out on these invisible phenomena to find out what they were. Science does deal with invisible quantities like energy and their characteristics can be discovered but the force behind these destructive thoughts appeared to have its own agenda.
Music had played a very big part in my life and I listened to music and played the guitar for hours on end. I couldn't go anywhere without music and if music wasn't being played then I would be singing some tune to myself. A rough calculation showed me that I had listened to around 13,000 hours of music in my lifetime. This is a very conservative estimate based on 18 years at 2 hours of music per day. After listening to so much music I would be a brave person to say that music had not affected me at all.
My friend had gone 'crazy'!
I visited my friend Dave and he told me he now believed in Jesus. "Oh, no", I thought, "not a religious fanatic!" Dave had been raised in a religious family but in his early years he had rejected the bible. I was amazed that after a lifetime of putting down Christianity he was now a believer. In the past, he would proudly tell me that the bible was 'unscientific'. In the past Dave told me that the first book in the bible (Genesis) was wrong because it said that light was made before the sun and from he said this was impossible as it is the sun that produces light. Dave had drifted into drug taking and shoplifting. Although I was trying to block out all this talk about God and Christianity, I could sense that Dave's life had changed and much of his restlessness was gone. I wanted to argue but I knew virtually nothing about the bible. It amazed me that Dave wanted to follow somebody else and not his own desires. He wanted to follow this person called Jesus and actually seemed to trust Him and this was a novel idea to me.
What this man Jesus said was amazing!
I thought it was time I studied the bible to see what it said. Dave was 'smarter' than me and would annoy me by consistently beating me at chess. "Right", I thought, "Give me a bible, I'll prove him wrong!" Jesus said amazing things. He said, "Do not store up treasures for yourself on earth" (Matthew 6:19). Most people I knew were chasing money and had no interest in God. Jesus said, "He who is not with me is against me" (Matthew 12:30). Jesus also said: "Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the path that leads to destruction and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it" (Matthew 7:13-14). Jesus certainly didn't have the attitude of: "She'll be right mate!"
Jesus is the central figure in man's history
The statements Jesus made were so clear-cut. I either had to wipe Jesus off as a lunatic or accept what he was saying was true. I came to see Jesus could be trusted and believing in Him had a powerful effect on my life, setting me free from some thoughts of self-destruction and allowing me to make sense of the world. I can also see the powerful effect that my music had on shaping my ideas and making suicide somehow appealing. Jesus of Nazareth was the man in history that I had been looking for! Jesus was a real person and He could offer real solutions. The historical Jesus was innocent of any crime but was still crucified by the Romans. He died and thus was punished for all the things I had done wrong. After three days, He rose from the dead proving that all the things He said about Himself were true. If only I had listened to my Religious Education teacher!
I wish you the best in your journey through life …
Where ever you are in your journey … Jesus is the key for you …
Feel free to email me directly with any questions or comments at changinglives74@yahoo.com.au Please address your email to Greg.
Before I become a Christian, I was addicted to fantasising about girls after years of doing this! But as I read the bible I saw that Jesus wanted me to stop this. I could see that this sexual fantasising was going to harm / was harming my relationships. I knew that in my own strength that I would never be able to stop this fanaticising!
I said, "God, I can't stop these thoughts. I have tried and tried with no success. If you want me to have these thoughts all my life … so be it … but if not, then YOU take them away!"
Although I was being a bit bold in talking to God this way, God at that very instant, took away the power those thoughts had over me.
Over the following months, God gave me strategies to deal with these thoughts when they returned. (The thoughts did return but with nowhere near the power they had in the past.) One of these strategies was "if you see a nice-looking girl down the street, you can't help seeing her the first time but don't look back!"
If you want to have victory over unwanted thoughts:
RELAX
ADMIT THAT YOU DON'T HAVE THE POWER TO STOP THEM
ASK GOD TO TAKE THEM AWAY
IF A THOUGHT COMES TO YOU … YOU DON'T HAVE TO BELIEVE IT OR ACCEPT IT!
Thoughts can come from God, from your own mind but also from the devil. If a thought comes saying you are 'rubbish', IT IS A LIE … don't accept it as your own … reject it!
God is love and everything He does is done through love. Yes, God does correct us and discipline us. He does this because He loves us. He convicts us of sin. (When God convicts me of sin, He is loving, gentle and incredibly patient.) But God does NOT tell us we are rubbish or that the situation is hopeless or that we have no value.
If thoughts come to you that you are 'rubbish' … reject them and ask God to give you the strength to reject them.
"Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God" (Philippians 4:6).
God is saying the same thing to you as He said to Paul the Apostle; "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in your weakness"
(2 Corinthians 12:9).
REMEMBER: IF A THOUGHT COMES TO YOU … YOU DON'T HAVE TO BELIEVE IT OR ACCEPT IT!
All the best
Greg
Christianity stands alone and is fundamentally different from all other religions and systems of thought.
The truth of Christianity rests on a historical event. The bible says Jesus died and rose from the dead and its entire credibility rests on the fact that this event has already taken place.
Let's look at a little bit of the historical evidence that Jesus has in fact risen from the dead.
In 64 AD, after the rumour spread the people that Nero had started the Great Fire of Rome, Nero blamed the Christians for starting the fire and tortured and executed them.1
Jesus had been crucified barely 30 years before the Great Fire of Rome took place.1
People who were alive at the same time as Jesus were prepared to die for their very firm belief that Jesus had in fact died and rose from the dead. If Jesus did not rise from the dead, the disciples like Peter would have known it and thus would have been prepared to die for something they knew was a lie. Christianity is firmly founded on the blood of people who lived with Jesus and were convinced beyond any doubt that He did rise from the dead.
The bible is embedded in history as the introduction to the secular series "Rome in the First Century" shows. "His (Augustus') heirs … Tiberius … Caligula … Claudius … these men would lead Rome through these years of political terror … imperial madness … assassinations and through the founding of a distant religion (Christianity) that would one day engulf the empire." 1 (Italtics added)
Now you are free to form your own view about this, but I am happy to place my faith in the risen historical Jesus.
1Video "Rome in the First Century", episode two ... 'The Years of Trial', written by Margaret Koval, narrated by Sigourney Weaver, Special Broadcasting Service, 2002.
