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ERIN |
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ERIN |
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Over the past few months I have had a series of wakeup calls and I realized that my life wasn't quite right. I realized that God was missing. God has given me these wonderful gifts called LIFE and HOPE to share with the world and I am listening this time. My hope is that maybe someone reading my story will realize that they are not alone because God is there.
My name is Erin and I am 19 (almost 20). This is my story. I accepted Christ when I was 12 years old, but I didn't believe it in my heart. I grew up in a broken home. My folks divorced when I was only 9 or 10 (not quite sure, 'cause my memory is fuzzy). My mom started dating men who were not so nice; they would drink and verbally abuse my mom. As the years wore on, I became an "adult child". I took care of my mom emotionally and put all my feelings on hold to take care of her. During all of this I dived head first into church and I was very active in my youth group and was an honor roll student. This continued until I was 16, when my mom kicked me out of her house and I went to live with my dad.
When I moved to my dad's, he didn't allow me to go to church or call my friends because it was a long distance call. I went into the worst depression I had ever experienced. I overdosed three times, and I was fortunate that the last time didn't destroy my liver or kidneys, but it didn't stop there. I became addicted to inflicting harm on myself by cutting. I know that people might say; "How can you get addicted to that?" but trust me you can. It is addictive because it becomes the only thing that can relieve your pain. But it takes control of your every waking thought and it becomes the only way to tell if you are really alive.
For four years this was how I survived, and I have the scars to prove it. But in the past few months, God has really been working on my heart. In January 2002, I went back to church and God led me to seek out an old friend at my church. This man is the first person in a long, long time to take the time and listen to my concerns and not judge me. He then took it a step further and gave me Bible verses to combat this depression and addiction.
My favorite verse is Isaiah 40:4.
"Every valley shall be exalted, and every mountain and hill shall be made low
The crooked places shall be made straight, and the rough places smooth ..."
But God hasn't stopped there. I am a first year nursing student and I work in a hospital with liver and kidney transplant patients. I have switched from listening to alternative music (which I was into heavily) back to Christian music. I am reading my Bible daily, which I never did before. I have also been free of my addiction for two months, and most importantly I am alive and well and for the first time in a long time I feel hopeful and life doesn't seem so bleak.
For those of you who are wondering, my past does come back to haunt me quite frequently and I still want to give in to the urges to feed my addiction but now I am not alone. (Although I was never really alone, I just didn't want to seek God's help.) God has given me scriptures to combat those thoughts and if I can't think of any God has said here is this friend that I have placed in your path, call him and through him I will tell you the scriptures that you need. The one
thing that I have learnt is that God doesn't always make your life a bed of roses, but He always gives us a way to deal with our pain, hurt or addiction. God is wonderful and no matter how far we run or what we do, He will always be waiting for us with open arms and
unwavering love.
Isaiah 41:10 says; "So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help
you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."
God is always there for you.
Erin
Regardless of whether
JESUS IS THE KEY FOR YOU ... LOOK TO HIM!
Read about Overcoming depression and suicide from 'Focus on the Family'
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WORDS OF ENCOURAGEMENT FROM ERIN |
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When I survived my suicide attempts, it left me with an even bigger hole in my life than I had ever had before. It tore my spirit into shreds. By God's grace my physical body healed in almost record time. The doctors said that I was 'lucky', but the holes it left in my spiritual body got bigger before they ever got smaller. I ran so far from God because I believed what Satan had told me. He told me that I was damaged goods and that God didn't want me anymore. But things have got better and now God is using my story.
God is saying, "I love you just the way you are no matter what you are going though or have been through. Come back to me and I will heal your heart and mend your soul so that your light will shine brightly again." God chose you for a reason that only He knows. If you end your life this world will not only lose a precious life, but a light in a very dark world.
At times, I know it may seem that ending your life is the only solution, but let me let you in on a little secret. That part which says 'suicide is the only solution' is the devil and he wants nothing more than to convince you of that because if he does then he wins. But by getting through this, and I know that God will pull you through this, your life will shine and the darkness will disappear.
Cry out to Jesus, give your life to Him, put your
trust in Him, and He will take the weight of your
burden. Jesus was mocked, insulted, beaten, falsely
accused and crucified. He knows all about pain and
suffering. But Jesus destroyed the power of death by
rising from the dead. He is alive and has power to
change your life. In my life, I still face
difficulties but GOD is there to lift me up.
What God did in my life, He wants to do for you.
Love
Erin
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ERIN'S PRAYER |
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Lord, I pray that you protect all those who are
hurting and keep them safe from harm. It is my prayer
tonight Lord that you comfort all those who are
hurting and help them find peace and relief. Show them
your love and that life is worth living. I pray that
you shower them with your mercy and grace and help them
see the beauty in this world.
Lord, I want to lift to you all those who are
desperate and don't know what to do or where to go.
Lord, I know that you can heal all hurts, for you are
the great physician. You tell us in your Word that you
have been through it all. No matter what is going on
in our lives you understand and that you are there for
us. I know that you showed your love for us by dying
for our sins and that you will forgive us regardless
of what we have done.
Lord, comfort those who are crying out for help. Lord
I know you hear my prayer and I ask it in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. In Christ's
name, Amen.
Jesus says: "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened. And I will give you rest for your souls"
(Matthew 11:28).
