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CLARE |
I was bought up in a family that was nominally religious. I accepted Jesus Christ as my Saviour at the age of 16. I used to listen to a program on the radio that showed me that I needed to be set free from sin and that Jesus is the only way to God and forgiveness. Before I committed my life to Jesus, I was afraid in case He returned to earth as He promises He will. I was afraid I would die and go to hell and I sure didn't want to go there!
The Bible says, "Whoever believes in the Son of God has everlasting life. He who has the Son (Jesus) has life but he who does not have the Son does not have life" (1 John 5:11-13). Jesus also said, that unless we are born again we shall not enter the kingdom of God. (John 3:3). Since committing my life to Christ, I have assurance that when I die I will go to be with Him. That doesn't mean I don't sin anymore; it simply means that by His blood shed on the cross my sins are covered when I confess and put things right. I do try not to sin, of course.
I married and had five children whom I dearly love. My daughter, Vanessa became ill and was diagnosed with leukaemia at the age of eight. I was devastated. I had a nephew who had died from leukaemia five weeks before Vanessa was born so I knew the horror and the suffering this disease causes.
We had prayer for Vanessa for healing and she had chemotherapy and the disease went into remission. Because news of a terminal illness gets around, a child from school told her she was going to die. She was naturally upset so we talked about death. We talked about how beautiful heaven is with Jesus and how her Nan and her nephew Ricky, who died of leukaemia, were there. We also talked about a neighbour who had died on the golf course here in our hometown and was resuscitated. He said he saw something beautiful and now knows there is life after death. I never knew until later that my daughter went down there and checked it out with him. Vanessa displayed no signs of being frightened of death after that. Of course she was afraid of the treatment and suffering.
During that time, my emotions ranged between hope and despair, according to how nauseated or painful Vanessa's day had been and, on good days, how well she felt!
Vanessa came out of remission and we went to Sydney for a transplant. While the transplant was successful, I won't go into the suffering she went through down there. As a mother there was so much torment, tension and anxiety not knowing if Vanessa would live and what quality of life she would have if she did.. Should we have allowed this treatment, which was so painful and seemed cruel? Maybe it was all in vain? Another hardship was that Vanessa's sister had to go through an operation to give her bone marrow, which is also a painful experience. I also witnessed other patient's relatives experiencing the loss of their loved ones. My husband and son were with me, but the rest of the family were at home and they were upset as well. We eventually came home but, after a short time, Vanessa got pneumonia and died. She was only nine years old.
I was angry with God for allowing so much suffering in my little child. I asked God to show me from the Bible why there was so much pain and suffering. (Not very graciously, I might add.) I flipped the Bible open and this is the verse I saw. "Blessed are those who die in the Lord from now on. Yes, says the Spirit they will rest from their labours and their deeds will follow them" (Revelation 14:13). The Bible also says, "For I reckon that the suffering of this present world is nothing compared with the joy that lies ahead" (Romans 8:18).
Just over a year after my daughter died, I received a letter from a nurse who had committed her life to Jesus through seeing and nursing Vanessa. This woman had been reaching out to people in an area well known for prostitution, telling them about the change Jesus has made in her life. Several other people have come to know Jesus because of my daughter's life since then. Vanessa was not some saintly child who never did anything wrong. She could be mischievous like all children. Vanessa fought with the doctors at times because of the treatment but she was not ashamed to talk about Jesus. He is the difference. A tragedy like this takes time for family and friends to come to terms with but God is patient and He desires to comfort each one of us.
One of my favourite memories of Vanessa is when she was in isolation in St Vincent's hospital. Vanessa was tired of hospital food and she wanted stewing chops. She was being "barrier nursed" which meant everything had to autoclaved and sterilized, so it was impossible. I told Vanessa that no hospital could possibly put themselves out to make that food for one little girl. Vanessa started singing "Care for Kids". It happened to be the "Year of the Child" that year!
Many years have passed since then. My husband had to retire at 50 years of age because of back problems and has since had cancer. I have also had cancer but I can attest to the faithfulness of my God. We have had many hard times and I know there will be more. But this I know, as the song says, "Because He lives I can face tomorrow. My God is alive and He lives in me." His word says, "I will never leave you or forsake you" (Hebrews 13:15).
Clare